It is helpful to acknowledge what the experience was like. It hurt. It felt overwhelming. I despaired. I felt paralysed. I felt crushed by shame and self-recrimination. I felt angry yet powerless. It seemed like God was not there, that he did not care. It’s not helpful to spiral into fruitless remembering. Remember instead the order of your current vigil. You are seeking to go somewhere good. A whirlpool of excruciating details is an easy place to drown. It is helpful to remember basics of God’s